Lesson 3: The most fun conversation you'll ever have before sex

The EASIEST way to initiate deep and intense sexual connection is through connecting vulnerably beforehand.

This structured conversation will assist just that.

Short for Relationships, Boundaries, Desires, Sexual Status, Meaning, and Aftercare, this chat has the potential to transform your experience, deepening your connection with your partners.

But for queer people, having it can mean deeper and more honest communication about our sexual needs.


By taking the time to thoughtfully tap into each upcoming element of your upcoming sexual encounters/sessions, you can create a space of openness and trust.

You will...

  • Talk through how you want to feel in the relationship post-sex.
  • Voice your boundaries, desires, and any worries associated with your sexual status.
  • Connect to the emotion and meaning behind the coming experience.
  • Post-session, make sure to check in with yourself and your partner to discuss how the experience was, what you learned, and how to move forward with improved communication.

RBDSMA is a tool to bring your sex life to an ecstatic level, so don't be afraid to explore the conversation with your partner.

Let loose and maximize the pleasure with this amazing chat! And if you're stuck, reach out to us for more guidance.

These letters stand for pieces of the pre-sex chat that will lead to a beautiful, deepened connection between you.

As LGBTQ+ folks, we often don’t get to share and talk about our sexual desires.

But if we do, it will really take your relationship to a whole new level.

When explored, can bring your connection to an entirely new level and help you both to be yourselves and have the pleasure your body already knows how to have.

Here's how it works...

R - Relationships. Think about how you want to feel about each other AFTER you've had sex. Is it something special? Will it screw up your friendship? Will you feel close?

B - Boundaries. Letting our bodies off the hook and setting boundaries about our emotions. What do you want to feel (emotionally and physically)? What DON'T you want to do?

D - Desires. What's the fantasy? What have you been afraid to admit? What are the fantasies or secret desires you have in mind? parts of yourself that you haven’t fully expressed yet?

S - Sexual status. This is testing and disclosure, so you can feel safe. Talk and set boundaries on what you can do. Are there any STD issues you should be aware of?

M - Meaning. What do we want the experience to mean for us? Are there any existential components to express? Why are you having sex in the first place? What do you hope to get out of it?

A - Aftercare. Reflecting on the experience and looking forward to the next.After a couple days, talk about what you liked, what you learned, and how you'll connect next time.

Gay/queer folks aren't always taught to have honest conversations about sex, so RBDSMA offers a fantastic opportunity.

When you embrace this conversation and trust each other to be honest and open it creates a space to really enjoy the pleasure your body knows how to have.

Let's move away from pure eroticism and into emotional vulnerability - don't fear it, embrace it!

Using RBDSMA in your conversations will ensure everyone’s pleasure and comfort, and has the potential to spark emotions and totally transform your relationship.

Start the conversation and watch your sexual connection deepen tremendously!

Need some help with how this might apply to your situation? Reach out!

With love,
Sam & Alapaki


1. Set aside a time when both you and your partner are free to talk without any interruptions. Find a quiet and private space where you can comfortably discuss your sexual desires and boundaries.

2. Begin by discussing "R" for Relationships. Move on to "B" for Boundaries. Discuss "D" for Desires. Next, discuss "S" for Sexual Status. Move on to "M" for Meaning. Finally, discuss "A" for Aftercare.

3. Make sure to listen to your partner's thoughts and feelings throughout the conversation. Be open-minded and non-judgmental.

4. After the conversation, take time to reflect on what was discussed and how you can incorporate these discussions into your sexual experiences. Remember to check in with each other after each sexual encounter.

5. If you have any questions or concerns, don't be afraid to reach out to Sam and Alapaki for guidance. They are there to help and support you through this process.

By following these steps and having open and honest conversations, you can deepen your sexual connection with your partner and explore your desires in a safe and comfortable way.

With love and gratitude,

Sam & Alapaki

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